Still can’t stop thinking about food

I’m down 14 lbs since January 1st doing CICO, and though I feel I have finally figured it out, or “unlocked the secret to weight loss” if you will, I still can’t stop thinking about food.

I’d like to think I’ve found a good balance. I save daily calories for treats/a little dessert each night and I allow myself any two cheat meals I want on the weekends (though I’m still usually mindful of portion sizes and general calorie intake). But during the week, I stick to my meal preps and I have been consistently losing weight at a nice steady pace.

Some days I am surged with confidence and motivation. Other days, it feels so hard. Tonight is one of those days. My boss got us pizza for lunch today and I was “good” and only had two slices. It was perfectly satisfying though it made me extremely thirsty. But now, lying in bed, I’m obsessing over food as I always have. I’m looking at the menu of the restaurant we are going to this weekend and dreaming of what I’m going to indulge in. I spend a lot of my time looking forward to my next cheat meal or my next treat.

I come from a family of foodies. We all sincerely enjoy eating food for the sake of eating it and everything that comes with it - a true sense of euphoria. I love baking food that is tasty, and I love cooking, too. Thankfully those traits have proven helpful in regards to meal prepping or trying “healthy” desserts… but it’s just not the same satisfaction. And while I’d like to be thankful that I’ve found a good balance that works for me, it’s still a bit concerning how obsessed I still am with food.

And you want to know the craziest part? Sometimes I eat something I thought I really wanted and I realize afterwards that it was not nearly as satisfying as I had hoped, and certainly not worth the calories. And yet I don’t actually stop eating it. Old habits die hard, so I shovel it down. (The pizza was not an example of this though.)

I’m curious if anyone else finds they are still obsessed with food. Does it take time for these old feelings to go away? Or will I always feel like it’s one of life’s great joys that I have to learn to limit myself to?

I am, however, trying very hard to find the happiness in everyday meals, even the “boring” healthy ones. But it truly just is NOT the same, as hard as I try. Nothing tastes as good as pure fat butter or sugar or sauces or gravy or ranch. I will say that it’s getting easier, that my meal preps don’t taste or sound as upsetting and unappetizing as they used to. But I still find myself daydreaming about the fettuccine alfredo I’m going to have this weekend after months without it. And I’ll have to wonder how long it will be until I can have it again…

Food truly is addictive. And it’s one of the hardest addictions to break when you have to maintain a healthy relationship with it.

Any help or advice on the matter is greatly appreciated.