My older sister is far too young to have the health issues she does. She (46) is only 7 years older than me (39), with sleep apnea and insomnia, nutritional deficiencies (Vitamin B12, Vitamin D, anemia) requiring injections and high-dose tablets, aches and pains, and she would be well into obesity. We went on a walk—probably about 45m—and the next day she said she was sore and had some issues with her nerves (probably due to the B12 deficiency). Because of her nutritional deficiencies and lack of good quality sleep, she’s always exhausted and wanting a nap.
Younger sisters 1 and 2 are both extremely fit, thin (bordering on underweight?), with no health issues that I know of. And then I’m in the middle—fit enough and on the heavier end of normal weight, trending towards the low end of overweight and starting to develop some aches and pains. Spending the last couple of weeks with all of them has really highlighted for me the differences in our lifestyles that leads towards these different outcomes. Below I'll outline some observations. I wrote this out as my own reflections, but thought it might be useful for this sub as well. Strap in--it's long and sorry for formatting issues.
| Younger sisters | Older sister | Me | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Eating habits | · Younger Sister 2—watches what she eats; spent three days talking about wanting a cookie—didn’t end up with any cookie or any other dessert throughout the weekend · Will still eat out frequently and eat some rubbish, but small amounts generally · Younger Sister 1—consistently eats less than I do; but will sometimes eat a lot (a huge steak; double hamburger etc) · Not good quality food—mostly eating out Neither cook much | · Terrible eating habits—a lot of meat; constantly eating out and pretty trashy food · A lot of sweets · Consistently eats a lot Orders those ‘hello fresh’ boxes but they often go to waste | · Normally try to eat pretty well but punctuated by periods of eating way too much · Frequently eating just a bit too much, indulging just a bit too much Normally good amount of fruits and vegetables |
| Alcohol | · YS 2 doesn’t really drink at all YS 1 drinks more—binge drinking in the past but maybe less now | Drinks a lot—multiple drinks every day (or almost) | Cutting back now with periods when I won’t drink but still too much sometimes |
| Sleeping | · YS1—consistently 8 hours; YS 2—not sure | · Terrible sleeping habits—falls asleep with the TV on · No routine or set schedule · Gets up very early · Untreated sleep apnea (says she can’t use the CPAP) Uses sleep aids—gummies, melatonin | · Used to be terrible but getting better · Having more of a routine and schedule · 5-6 hours a night, sometimes more (sometimes less) · Frequently wake up during the night Uses electronics in bed |
| Exercise | · Have always been active, since childhood and high school · Approx an hour of intense exercise almost every day—YS 1 with her workouts and YS 2 with her jiu jitsu; YS 2 tries to get 10k steps a day | · Active in childhood and high school Completely sedentary—would get less than 2k steps a day on average | · Sedentary in childhood and high school · A few days a week of moderate exercise · Try to get 10k steps a day (but don’t always) · Try to run 5k 3x a week (but don’t always) · Hiking Moderately active but inconsistent |
| Attitudes towards health | · YS 1 especially is very proactive—spoke about having a perfect blood panel etc; YS 2—not sure. Serious about jiu jitsu, but not sure if that’s about health or challenging herself | · Doesn’t seem to think about it—when she told me about getting B12 injections, I looked up which foods were good for B12—she was pretty uninterested—said she could eat more salmon etc but without any conviction · Content to have medical interventions rather than lifestyle changes—B12 injections and prescription doses of Vitamin D rather than improving diet and being outside more Everything else is a priority | · Well, I’m writing this, right? Becoming more interested and proactive, but in the past haven’t been |
Being able to lay it all out like this has been so eye-opening. I can see how and why each of us have ended up where we are. It also makes me more realistic about where I want to be. Do I want to be doing an hour of high intensity exercise a day? Maybe, but maybe not. And if not, maybe that’s okay but then I need to accept that I might not get the outcomes I want either.
It’s also made me realise how important attitudes towards health are. I spoke to Older Sister a bit about cooking, but she says she doesn’t have time. Spoke about having a better routine for sleeping—but she’s not able to because her schedule is unpredictable and she always has different things on in the evenings. She gets all her groceries and other things delivered, so less incidental exercise—no walking around a grocery store. She drives everywhere. She speaks in passing about getting back on the Peloton to lose some weight, but without much conviction. On the other hand, Ali is very conscientious about her health (in addition to having a strong focus on weight). I don’t know if Younger Sister #2 necessarily frames it in terms of ‘health’, but there’s no doubt that for both of them, consistent exercise is a priority in their lives. For Older Sister, it’s just not something she thinks about, except in relation to weight loss—which is how I used to be as well. Exercise and eating less were just about losing weight and were a means to an end. It’s just now that I’m wanting to exercise, eat well, sleep well in order to be healthy and for their own sake.
There’s also more here about mental health—Older Sister has a lot of anxiety, which she self-medicates through alcohol and which also has an effect on her sleep—and of course the lack of exercise also has a negative effect on her sleep, and the lack of good-quality sleep and use of alcohol increases anxiety (as does the lack of exercise). And being tired all the time means she’s not going to want to exercise. The alcohol is almost definitely contributing to her B12 deficiency. With all of these factors impacting each other, it makes sense that it is really about an entire lifestyle and habits that support each other—which is why it is so difficult and necessary to address these issues step by step and in concert.
I’ve been on an upward trend, which I’m so happy about—but also have a long way to go still.
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